You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control | The BridgeMaker

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You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control Posted: 14 Oct 2009 05:54 PM PDT You have to acknowledge the truth – it is you who took the actions, thought the thoughts, created the feelings and made the choices that got you to where you are now. - Jack Canfield Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Ali Hale. Please visit her at Aliventures.com. Do you ever look at your life and wonder what's gone wrong? You're busy with trivia; you're overweight; your home is untidy; your relationship with your family is suffering. You wish someone would wave a magic wand. You wish you could just start over. You wish that all the little things that have gone wrong for you – over the last year, or the last decade, or your lifetime – could somehow be undone. Over the past few years, I've felt as though the life I'm living is pulling against the one I want to live. I find myself busier than I'd like to be, working into the evenings and at the weekends. I find myself suffering stress-symptoms. I used to be able to blame external circumstances: a day job I disliked, financial worries, little time to write fiction. But now, I'm a freelancer, doing creative work that I enjoy. I have a lot of flexibility over my time. I'm taking the creative writing MA that I dreamed of doing for years. But I'm slowly realising that problems like busyness and stress aren't just caused by stuff "out there." They're created by me. Taking 100% Responsibility Over the past six months, I've read a number of books about personal development and have followed dozens of blogs on similar topics. One theme that's stood out for me (perhaps because it's something I needed to take on board!) is that you must take 100% responsibility for your life. Now, I'm pretty lucky. I've had a good life: my parents are highly educated, loving and supportive; I have a good undergraduate degree; I have a job I enjoy. Even so, I've found that it can be hard to accept that I'm 100% responsible for: How busy I am. I'm the one who volunteered, or who said "yes". I'm the one who didn't ask for help. My finances. I'm the one who took a rosy view. I'm the one who agreed to that holiday, or meal out. My happiness. I'm the one who reacts to other people's anger or bad moods. I'm the one who "doesn't have time" to relax, unwind and recharge. What is there in your life that you need to accept responsibility for? Perhaps it's your kids' behaviour, or the state of your kitchen, or your health problems. I can't give you a quick-fix list for this. I've found it tough to accept that it's my actions and my emotional responses that create everything in my life – I know it on an intellectual level, but it's still something I'm working on. Take your time over this: journaling, meditation or prayer can help you work through difficult and challenging emotions. Self-Belief Once you've taken responsibility for everything in your life, understand that you're a work-in-progress. Sure, you might need to lose some weight. You might have debts or other financial worries. You might not be in the career you want. But that's okay: you don't have to be perfect! For many of us, guilt is a destructive emotion, leading to feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth, and a lack of motivation to change. Don't feel guilty about all the areas of your life where you're not quite there yet. Instead, see these areas as opportunities for you to reshape the life that you want. Taking 100% responsibility means knowing that you can change. You've created your current life – and you can recreate it by altering what's present in it. I'm a writer, and I'm used to the writing process of drafting and revising. It's rare that a piece comes out perfect first time. Sometimes, it just needs minor editing. Other times, I need to cut out a whole section, add in something new, or make sweeping changes. You are the author of your life. You can rewrite your current conditions. You can even rewrite your past – by looking at events from a different viewpoint, or by seeing how even negative experiences had positive effects further down the line. Some affirmations you might like to use are: I can do anything that I really put my mind to. I am fully committed to this goal and I will achieve it. I can change anything I want to about my life. I am strong, capable and in control. The changes you make don't have to be to your external circumstances. One of the reasons that I've been feeling over busy recently is because I've taken on a number of voluntary activities at church. These are important to me, and I don't want to give them up. Instead, I'm focusing on fully realising the worth and significance of these activities, and enjoying the chance to serve and contribute – rather than seeing them as yet more items on a to-do list. What areas of your life do you need to take full responsibility for? How can you work on your self-belief so that you recognise the truth that you can change and that you do have options? Ali Hale is a freelance writer from London in the UK, and is currently taking an MA in creative writing. She writes for a number of sites, including her own Aliventures blog which focuses on getting more from life. You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control

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Bird's Nest and Reflection

Bird's Nest and Reflection
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All That I Am is Yours | The BridgeMaker

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All That I Am is Yours Posted: 11 Oct 2009 11:06 AM PDT If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of potential, for eye the which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. - Soren Kierkegarrd Written by Alex Blackwell. Connect with me on Facebook. Dear God, Lately it's been difficult seeing Your plan for me. There are days when I'm convinced I know where You are steering me, but on other days, I'm not sure. Maybe this back and forth is part of our arrangement; part of the process, You are taking me through. My years are growing fewer and I really thought my life would be fully realized by now. The waiting is my anguish; the unknown destination weighs on me constantly. It's not that I know who I will become or what I will do, it's just that I have the feeling You are not finished with me yet. You show me glimpses of what's ahead and then the awareness is replaced with more of the familiar. More self-doubt and more uncertainty of how to approach the choices placed in front of me. It is me? You have filled me with an awareness of my potential. You do help me to understand that I am capable of providing compassion, inspiration, leadership and love. All are wonderful gifts to share, so why do I feel empty at times? Why does my confidence diminish when I think I have found my voice, my role, only for it to be replaced with a new wrinkle or disappointment? How do I embrace the fire You have placed in my soul and allow it to burn so hot, so bright, that its energy can't be missed? How can I live the life intended just for me and not feel I keep falling just short? I do hear You whispering some of the answers to me. You have given me a heart that beats with passion and is resilient to the setbacks as they occur. This heart is not afraid to keep moving forward; to keep hope alive in spite of the circumstances it faces. You have given me a faith that feels as though it will never be exhausted. You have given me a beautiful family that continues to impress me with the unconditional love it is capable of showing one another. Our transgressions are properly acknowledged, and then grace and mercy is allowed to fill the gaps between the pain and disappointments. The good times are celebrated with authentic joyfulness. Together, we overcome. Maybe what I have is what I have. Maybe this is my life and You are disappointed because I want more. Maybe the gifts You have given me are pleasing You and fulfilling my life's purpose at the same time. If this is true, I pray You remove this anxiety and replace it with peace. I will continue to hope and dream. As a man, I will continue to want to do more for my family. I will continue to take care of myself and have desires. The hunger I feel could be the thing You have given me so I will never become complacent. My desires could be Your plan and not the achievement of any one thing, but the achievement of many things over the course of my life. God, continue to show me how to trade self-doubt for confidence. Give me the words I need when my children depend on me and when my wife needs the support she deserves. Allow my voice to grow stronger with those who sometimes don't hear what I have to say or appreciate my contributions. On the day you call me home, my hope is I won't look back with regret, but with the understanding I did live the life You intended for me. I'm trying to see, and appreciate, that life. I'm just asking for a little help right now. For now, I will continue to hold on to my faith and realize all that I am is Yours. Alex All That I Am is Yours

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eyendorf

eyendorf
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hamburger landungsbrücken

hamburger landungsbrücken
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the Dancer of Gustav Climt

the Dancer of Gustav Climt
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dinner gala of Suez canal inaugauration

dinner gala of Suez canal inaugauration
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Conscious Connection: Face-to-Face and Heart-to-Heart | The BridgeMaker

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Conscious Connection: Face-to-Face and Heart-to-Heart Posted: 08 Oct 2009 03:14 AM PDT When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another - and ourselves. - Jack Kornfield Article written by Alex Blackwell. Image courtesy of Stacy Reeves. Be sure to check out her beautiful portfolio at www.stacyreeves.com. I conducted a test last week. On Thursday, September 30, I tracked the number of emails I received from both my business and personal accounts. Here's what I found: 81 business emails received and 33 personal emails hit my Inbox (I did not count emails landing in the Spam folders) for a total of 114 emails received in one day. 67% of the emails (76 out of 114) were from people within 100 feet of my office (duplicate emails from the same person were counted though). I replied to all 76 emails, by email. Somewhat related, Mary Beth received the family's cell phone bill recently and reported Andrew sent over 5000 text messages last month. But in defense of our son, my wife and I do our fair share of text messaging, too. And finally: We have a television located just off the kitchen. It was turned on every night last week during dinner. I think you get the point now. Video Killed the Radio Star The Buggles, a one-hit-wonder band, released Video Killed the Radio Star 30 years ago. The lyrics were timely then and prophetic for today: They took the credit for your second symphony. Rewritten by machine and new technology, and now I understand the problems you can see. The problem The Buggles identified in 1979 was the changing appetites of music fans would soon lead them to ignore the radio art form in favor of something more visible and immediate. Once MTV hit the mainstream, radio was changed forever. The days of listening, and then bringing the lyrics to life in our minds were officially over. The scenes were created for us – all we had to do was watch. And our appetites continue to change. Except MTV is not the culprit this time; it's our shift away from face-to-face contact and to virtual contact. My fear is we will begin to grow accustomed, and perhaps even more comfortable, with preferring indirect interaction to direct interaction. My fear is the technologies we are dependent on today will kill the gift of human touch and leave our minds; once again, a little less capable of imagining a reality we are empowered to bring to life so long as we continue to work at it. [re]Connection The tactics for achieving reconnection are obvious: email less and talk face-to-face more; turn off the television during dinner and ask one question beyond, "How was your day?" And crave the human touch more than the satisfaction of receiving a text message. The way we embrace, support and hold onto to one another in times of joy and sorrow makes us distinctly human. I don't want us to lose that; I don't want to lose that. The path to reconnection extends well beyond email control and television rationing; the path begins and ends in our souls when we find the tenderness to make His touch bigger and more powerful through our own. Reaching out and reconnecting is an action that doesn't need modern technology to measure, track or make more efficient – it just needs the natural processors in our hearts to respond when they are simulated by the pulse of another heart. When they do, a conscious connection is made. Consider these heartfelt ways to make a conscious connection with someone you have been neglecting - perhaps for too long: Become more transparent. Let the ones closest to you see the real you. When we become guarded or shut down, others can distance themselves because they see little hope of getting through. There is a difference, however, between wearing your heart on your sleeve and sharing your heart. Protect your heart from people you may not yet trust, but share your heart with the ones who deserve the privilege. Let these people know what you are thinking, feeling and hoping. Their reaction may inspire you to continue filling your heart with the things that make your stronger and more alive. Connect with faith. Share your faith in the small things as well as the large. Demonstrate your faithfulness to a cause or belief by staying positive and sincere; even during difficult times. Faith is something we can pass along to others without emptying it for ourselves. Treat others with respect and dignity. A simple way to push someone away is to be condescending or disrespectful. Why is it we are sometimes nicer and more accommodating to strangers or workplace acquaintances than we are to our own family? Show respect to all and save the same measure of respect and dignity for the ones closest to your heart. It is these people who stand by us and depend on our love and nurturing to be returned. If you have missed a recent opportunity to return the love, show respect by returning it today. Share passion. Get the passion going again by sharing what your love. The connection with another can grow deeper roots when passion is used to nurture the relationship. Share your love for a special book, a moment of self-realization, or a great hamburger. Share. Get excited and watch passion build a bridge connecting your heart to another. Give hope. These four words, "You can do it," when spoken, can be a difference-maker in someone's life. Your encouragement can lift someone from a low and desperate place and begin to ignite their spirit and fill them with confidence and refreshing hope. Giving, and receiving, hope reminds us we are responsible not only for the physical care of others, but the emotional care as well. There can be no better connection than filling the heart, body and soul of another person with hope. Forgive quickly, move on and don't punish. Holding on to anger and resentment can erode even the strongest of connections. When we are angered and frustrated by the actions of someone else, find it in your heart to forgive quickly so you can move on and turn the focus back to what you can do to improve the relationship (when appropriate and safe to do so), and then the connection. My wife and I get into arguments just like any other couple. Typically the source of conflict is over a trivial matter. She may anger me and I know I frustrate her. However, there is no price to pay or punishment issued because we give each other a little time and space to repair the connection and start it over again. Find the good My son recently came to me with a problem. We chatted briefly and I gave him some advice and encouragement. The next morning when I was in my office starting the day, I sent a short text message to let my son know I was thinking of him. He replied back. In that instance, I'm glad we have tools to reach out to anyone at any time. I like being able to stay connected with older daughter through Facebook and Mary Beth and I trade emails daily about who is doing what chore or errand that day. If you think about it, the technology we have is not the culprit; it's how we use the technology that can become problematic, and at times, impersonal. It's easy to stop trying, cash it in, and do whatever is easiest or doesn't require thought. We know (most have a six sense), when someone gives up on us. There is an emptiness in their look and limpness in their touch. Conscious connection doesn't require much effort either - it only takes the desire to reach out and do so. Shut down the computer, turn off the television, and silence the cell phone. Give your eyes, your attention and your heart to the person standing right in front of you. Find the good in the moment and a connection will follow. Take full credit for your second symphony; your masterpiece, your life. Do not allow any form of technology to disconnect you from that. Other Resources Article: Productivity Tip: Face-to-Face Energizes Your Brain Article: An Interview Without Face-to-Face Contact Book: Face-to-Face Communications for Clarity and Impact

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Explorer | Inside Guantanamo | National Geographic Channel

Explorer opens your eyes to riveting, untold adventures with host Lisa Ling.

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Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

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How Can You Mend A Broken Heart (Live) - Bee Gees

Gloria Estefan performing Turn the Beat Around

Do You Really Need to Change or Are You Just a Change Junkie? | The BridgeMaker

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Do You Really Need to Change or Are You Just a Change Junkie? Posted: 05 Oct 2009 03:06 AM PDT Things do not change; we change. - Henry David Thoreau Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Alex Fayle of Someday Syndrome. I used to think that I lacked patience and that I got bored easily. I would live in the future, always thinking about “What next?” If I wanted to get anything done today or tomorrow, I needed to have several months from now in my mind. That future would change a dozen times before I arrived, but it hung there like a carrot enticing me to move forward. Generally after two years of doing the same thing, I’d get bored and radically change the future and start moving towards the new goal, until that too got old and I created a new future to chase after. Whether it was a new job, totally rearranging of the house, a new relationship (or ending an existing one) – or all of them at once – even when I seemed to have a stable life back in Toronto, I was always changing something. And there’s a part of me feeling that way right now. I’ve been living in the Spanish Basque Country for two years now, working on my business and writing fiction. And I’m bored. I think about taking off to Valencia or maybe Italy and starting fresh. I’m not actually bored. The boredom is a habit and a part of a pattern. You see, things are new and exciting for a while but then suddenly to achieve dreams I’m suddenly faced with work – with a lot of hard work. And I don’t like to work. Much better to change direction, find something new and take off (sometimes literally). Sticking around means finishing things and I’ve never been much of a finisher. Funny thing is this time I don’t actually want to leave or to start anything new. It’s just habit pushing my buttons, telling me it’s time to feel bored and time to move on. This time, I’m doing my best to ignore the alarms the button pushing sets off. This time, I want to stick it out to the end. So what’s changed? What happened within me that allowed me to choose to stick around and commit to fulfilling my dreams instead of delving into something new? I’d like to say that love changed me – that meeting and falling in love with my boyfriend has given me a stability I never had before, but it wouldn’t be true. My run-away feelings include ditching him – not because I don’t love him (I totally adore him!) but because we’ve been in this relationship for over two years and it’s not new and exciting any more and never will be again. I’d like to say that I don’t want to change because I’ve found my passion and don’t need to change, but that wouldn’t be true either. I’ve known that writing is my passion for over twenty-five years and I am very good at ignoring it when I feel like it. I can’t say that I’ve “grown up” either because according to most definitions of being a grownup (property ownership, income levels, marriage, and children) I’m still a totally irresponsible teenager. So what is it then? Why am I sticking around and seeing things through? It’s three things actually: I’ve discovered I can finish things. I’ve learned to find happiness from within. I’m tired of changing for no good reason. Finishing Things In November 2006, I started a novel and finished the first draft. By October 2007, I had it edited completely and it’s now doing the rounds of agents. I might have thought it a fluke but last month I finished the draft of my second novel and have started the draft of my third novel while I let the second one sit for a bit before editing it. In that time I’ve also had two short stories published. Also in December last year I took up running and within two months was capable of doing 10km. My goal was to run 20km by November of this year and despite a break of three months due to my allergies, I’m going to reach that goal. By accomplishing these goals I’ve realized that I can finish things. And that finishing can be just as exciting as starting. In fact I now get more excited towards the end of a project than at the beginning, which is a real shift in perspective for me and helps get me through the tough middle part. Happiness Within I used to be bad at hanging my happiness on others. I’d focus on one person in my life and hand them the responsibility for my happiness. It meant a lot of stress for both of us and because of that I lost some good friendships over the years. Instead, I’ve learned to find happiness from within and so my relationships are stronger and not under constant stress. I don’t overwhelm people and I don’t suddenly want to run away because the other person refuses to be responsible for my happiness any longer. With my happiness coming from within, I don’t need the constant thrill of new things to keep me excited about life. I’m excited about life wherever I am. No More Change for Change’s Sake I used to change because I felt that fulfilling my dreams was too much work, and yet I’ve come to learn that it takes a lot more work to change and start over than to stick it out. I’m not talking about settling for your situation no matter what it is. If you’re stuck in a rut, then yes make the effort to change because the work is worthwhile. When I would make drastic changes in my life, it was a way to avoid the real work that I wanted to follow but felt too lazy to do so. Now that I’ve learned to be happy and learned to finish things, continuing on my current journey to fulfill my dreams doesn’t seem that much effort. It actually looks like a whole lot of fun! And when I look at what it would mean to make a big change, all I see is a whole lot of pointless work as well as mental and emotional clutter that will only distract me from the things I love doing. While I’m all for change (and my Someday Syndrome blog is all about helping people make big changes in their lives), sometimes change isn’t what we need. Sometimes we need to put the change aside and have a little patience with our current situations, seeing through to fruition the plans we put into place a while back. So, where does your desire for change lie? Is it something that will lead you towards your dreams or are you using change to hide from the work your dreams really require? Alex Fayle, of Someday Syndrome, is a former procrastinator who uses his visionary ability to uncover hidden patterns and help you break the procrastination obstacle so that you can finally find freedom and start living the life you desire. Learn more about how you can start loving life again at SomedaySyndrome.com

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Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up!

Smile, Be Happier and Count Your Blessings | The BridgeMaker

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Smile, Be Happier and Count Your Blessings Posted: 02 Oct 2009 10:37 AM PDT Editor's Note: The following is a website review for happier.com. The folks there are all about inspiring people to be happier and more resilient. Please enjoy! - Alex Blackwell Article written by guest contributor Michael Durkheimer. Please visit Michael at happier.com. You have always been told to “count your blessings.” This is a tradition that has been passed down for generations and is a central value in the lives of many people. But does this age-old motto actually make people happier? New research at some of the top universities in the world has shown that it does! People who practice the act of counting their blessings every night, and many other age-old customs of faith, have now been proven to be correlated with living more happy, productive and fulfilled lives. In fact, there is a new field of research that has exploded over the past 10 years called positive psychology, commonly referred to as the “science” of happiness. Like “counting your blessings,” many age-old ideals have been put to the test, and researchers have now found proof to back up many of our most ingrained traditions. happier.com is a new website that takes these tested philosophies and puts them into easy-to-follow exercises so that anyone can boost their mood, productivity, and quality of relationships on a daily basis. For example, happier.com helps its users count their blessings and track their successes with an exercise called “Three Good Things.” You can see demo videos of all of the exercises here, and an explanation of why the “Three Good Things” exercise works here. More about Positive Psychology: In the past, psychology has primarily focused on the question “What makes really sad people sad?” Positive Psychology asks the question “What make really happy people happy?” - and they have found some exciting and often counter-intuitive answers! In the last 10 years, the “science” of happiness has exploded - and expert researchers have pinpointed many of the simple traits that make people more optimistic, productive and fulfilled in their lives. Many of these complicated findings have been boiled down into easy to use tests and exercises which, when practiced on a regular basis, have been shown to increase a person's overall optimism and confidence, build stronger relationships, and help people be more productive and fulfilled in both their work and home lives … by an average of 20% in only 8 to 12 weeks! Because it is rooted in science and RESULTS, positive psychology has shown that it can change lives and turn around relationships. What is happier.com? - It’s a personal trainer for your happiness! happier.com is a new website that launched on September 23, 2009 designed to help people not just be happier but "do happier." This innovative website provides online tools and exercises for users to make an immediate positive impact on their lives. The website allows users to participate for free by taking four validated tests with instant feedback on strengths, optimism, happiness and positivity. More than 100 exclusive videos from the world’s leading happiness researchers and practitioners are also included in this section of the site. Premium users can subscribe for just $5 a month for access to more than a dozen research-backed tools customized to increase happiness, resilience, optimism, engagement, and meaning. Doug Hensch and Andrew J. Rosenthal co-founded happier.com to inspire people to be happier and more resilient based on the field of positive psychology. They worked closely with Martin E.P. Seligman Ph.D, an exclusive consultant for happier.com, who is the "father of positive psychology" and a noted professor from the University of Pennsylvania. More than a decade of research has shown that everyone can proactively improve their happiness, leading to more fulfilled and productive lives. Happiness in America is at an all-time low, and happier.com was designed to help alleviate this problem. Users start feeling happier after just an hour or two on the site, and within weeks, we start to hear phrases like 'life changing' and 'just the solution I was looking for.' "The site offers proven solutions for real improvement,” says Andrew J. Rosenthal, co-founder of happier.com. happier.com is the first set of easy-to-use and engaging online happiness-boosting tools backed by the science of positive psychology. To date, the online tools, videos, blog and iPhone application have been used by more than 40,000 beta-testers.

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