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Thursday, October 29, 2009

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Monday, October 26, 2009

Four Characteristics of Success | The BridgeMaker

Four Characteristics of Success

Posted: 25 Oct 2009 10:47 PM PDT

characteristics-of-success

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be. - George Sheehan

Article written by Alex Blackwell. Connect with me on Facebook.

Look deep. Are you doing the things you need to do on a consistent basis in order to get the results you want to get?

No matter if your goals are personal or professional in nature; there are four characteristics of success that will help you find what you are looking for in life. From becoming a better parent or spouse, to finding more success at work, these attributes provide a roadmap, a checklist, to help you achieve your goals, too.

1. Personal Accountability

"I do what I say because I said I would do it." It all starts and ends with you. When you look into the mirror, do you like what you see? We can push away, hide, and even deny to others what we are thinking and doing, but we can never hide it for ourselves.

Personal accountability is not about perfection; it's about effort. We can never be all things to all people, but we can be everything to ourselves. We can get up every morning with the attitude to focus on the things that will create a more successful and happier life and not to short-change or sabotage ourselves in the process.

Listen to your inner wisdom, your gut, to see if you are on track or not – 100% of the time your inner wisdom is right. You then have a choice to make. You can choose to rationalize why you are not seeing the results you had hope to gain or you can choose to be completely honest with yourself and make the necessary adjustments to get back on track.

2. Resiliency

Life will always throw you off balance. You will encounter setbacks when you were expecting success. It's not a matter of "if" this will happen, it's only a matter of "when."

When disappointment and failure happens remember this: Our character is not defined by what happens to us, our character is defined by how we respond to what happens to us.

3. Interpersonal Skills

We do not live in a vacuum. Even though our journeys may be our own, we cannot ignore the other people on the road with us.

The ability to communicate, to ask questions of others who have achieved what you are seeking, to listen and to respond are all invaluable tools.

If you are seeking a more fulfilling relationship with your partner, then how well you relate to that person will determine the success, or failure, of that relationship.
Similarly, if you are looking for more career opportunities, then your ability to communicate your goals and accomplishments are critical.

Here's a good strategy to remember in order to improve your interpersonal skills: Talk less and listen more. Think of the 80/20 rule. 80% of your time should be spent listening. It is in these moments you will come to realize the true expectations of your partner or your boss, for example. Once their expectations are clearly understood, you are in a better position to meet them.

4. Continuous Learning

The minute you stop learning you start to lose, or go backwards. In my life, I'm still learning how to be an effective parent and a supportive spouse. Too often, we get in the trap of saying, "I have learned how to [fill in the blank]," instead of saying, "I'm still learning how to [fill in the blank]."

There is a significant difference in these statements. When we use words that end in ed, learned, accomplished, achieved, we are saying there is nothing else to learn; that we "got it."

But life is dynamic and nothing is ever freeze-dried. Therefore, if we take the approach we are always in the process of learning, accomplishing and achieving, then we are in a much better position to adapt and to adjust when change and setbacks occur.

Need Help?

You can now connect with Alex Blackwell at LivePerson.com to receive faith-based life advice, encouragement, and personal empowerment. You are welcome to reach out to Alex via telephone, chat or email to have a meaningful discussion about the issues you are facing right now.

All BridgeMaker readers receive the first 10 minutes free. Please mention "BridgeMaker" and receive ten minutes of life-changing advice at no charge.

Four Characteristics of Success

Catching the sun !!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

La Vie en rose

La Vie en rose
Originally uploaded by Dragan*

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A No-Labels Approach to Handling Change | The BridgeMaker

A No-Labels Approach to Handling Change

Posted: 22 Oct 2009 03:09 AM PDT

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We know what we are, but know not what we may be. - William Shakespeare

Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Paul D. Fitzgerald. Follow him on Twitter.

I have a love - hate relationship with change. I feel some things change far too fast and others just don't change fast enough. Like everyone, I am bombarded with advertising on how I can improve the quality of my life by purchasing new products. Political parties promise me change and infer that positive stability will follow.

We are encouraged to gain education and training that will unlock the door to a better future but find ourselves bored, if not disillusioned, by the stability of actually doing the work we sought. If successful, we often find ourselves working in positions where we yearn for freedom to change but feel trapped by the "golden handcuffs" of salaries, 401k plans, health insurance and paying off mortgages. Yet, when the job is eliminated, we look back wistfully on the stability that seems so attractive.

Labeling the changes we experience as "good" and "bad" is so automatic that we are hardly conscious of it. When we experience changes we call good - winning the lottery, remission of a serious illness, finding the 'love of our life' - we move toward it almost as if to grasp it so it won't leave us. We want to hold on to it dearly and avoid change.

When bad things happen to our desired stability - lost employment, divorce, illness, a falling stock market - we move against it to push it away as quickly as possible. We grieve our losses (in healthy or not-so-healthy ways) wishing we could go back to the past.

I have a poor track record in accurately labeling change as good or bad. So often, what I think is going to be such a great outcome of an unexpected happening soon turns out to be anything but good.

Changes I've imagined would be helpful and worked for, turn out to have unintended consequences that make me wish I'd never had the idea in the first place. At other times, when it feels like disaster is happening all around me an all seems to be lost, the most serendipitous positive results happen and I am shocked at good fortune. My experience is that I am not alone in labeling change as good or bad.

Hold Your Labels of Good and Bad Lightly

This is easier said than done, but any step in that direction can bring a profound sense of peace. I am not suggesting that we cut off our emotions or deaden ourselves to the impact of change. I am suggesting that we deal with the reality of the change without labeling it as "good" or "bad" in a judgmental way.

Dealing with reality calls for judgment and making decisions, but knowing what we are feeling and experiencing in the here and now is not being judgmental. If I purchase a bad-tasting meal from a restaurant my judgment tells me to not eat it. I've become judgmental if I label all their food as bad. Holding labels lightly allows us to be present to the reality of the moment.

Deal with Reality, Stop Predicting How It Will Turn Out

When significant change happen most us have an internal video of how it will play out in the future. If it is good, then the imagined next steps get better and better. If it is bad, we see it playing out like a row of dominoes falling into each other and we end up feeling that "life is over." The video rarely conforms to the reality as it actually turns out, but we experience the emotions as if it was real.

Draw on Your Faith Resources

So often the mental video we imagine about bad changes does not include anyone on our side of the challenge. I often ask people if their image of God was with them in the imagined future as a resource and their answer is almost always negative.

It is as if they have to stand against all the negative forces alone - and they wonder why they feel panic. Unfortunately, some find their image of God is always as an antagonist in their imagined future and not as a resource at all - an indication that their faith journey needs some attention.

Usually, when we can replay that imagined future with a sense of not being alone - whether it is an image of God present and/or friends and family standing with us - the story is reframed and panic is reduced.

An ancient story illustrates this kind of "letting go" of labels

A poor and elderly widower had little to show for his life - a son and a few horses. One night, thunder and lightning from a ferocious storm spooked the horses. They broke down the corral fence and stampeded out into the darkness. The next day, his neighbors saw his loss and expressed their sympathy for the tragic events.

The old man simply responded, "We'll see."

A few days later the horses found the way back to their corral and an amazing stallion came with them. Now, the man's wealth had increased substantially by this good fortune. His neighbors soon heard about his good luck and complimented him.

The old man simply responded, "We'll see."

The man was too old to try to break the stallion so his son attempted to ride him. After falling off several times, the horse threw him so violently that his leg was broken. There was no doctor in that area of the country so the old man had to set it as best he could. It was likely that his son would be crippled for the rest of his life. The neighbors now expressed sorrow for this travesty.

Once again the only response from the old man was, "We'll see."

Not long after, a marauding band of warriors came through the area and forced all the well-bodied young men to join them or die. Of course, they did not want his son with the broken leg. Through their wailing and tears, the neighbors told him how blessed he was that his son wasn't taken.

His response?

"We'll see."

Dr. Paul Fitzgerald is a Life Coach and offers several dimensions to help clients move toward personal wholeness and create a fulfilling life. You may contact Dr. Paul at drpaul@heartconnexion.org.

A No-Labels Approach to Handling Change

Monday, October 19, 2009

22 Ways to Feel Alive Again | The BridgeMaker

22 Ways to Feel Alive Again

Posted: 19 Oct 2009 03:08 AM PDT

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I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.- Joseph Campbell

Article written by Alex Blackwell. Connect with me on Facebook.

I hit the wall last night. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I fall hard. The pain behind both eyes made it difficult to focus on a conversation or watch television. Finally at nine o'clock I gave up and went to bed. My body craved rest and a dose of self-care.

The last ten days have been tumultuous ones. My family has been on high-alert dealing with a difficult situation and work has been equally dramatic. Adrenaline has been running through my body at a rapid pace. There comes a time when our bodies push back and shout, "No more!" I heard my body loud and clear – its voice was not to be denied.

Now begins the recovery process and the chance to feel alive again. Looking back over the past week, I wish I did more to keep the hard crash from happening in the first place. But sometimes when we are in the middle of a crisis, it can be hard to lift our heads and pay attention to the warning signs.

The smack I received last night serves as a valuable reminder that when we stop nurturing our bodies, they will rebel and stop working for us. When this happens, we have the responsibility to fill them up again. We can wait until it's too late (like I did) and suffer the consequences, or we can provide the needed care along the way.

The following ways to feel alive again are ones that resonate with me and the results can be realized almost immediately. It is my hope I will begin learning to do more of these when I find myself feeling worn down and before my body meets the wall again. I hope you find some inspiration from this list, too:

Face a window and allow the sun to wash over your face. Soak it in and allow its warmth to settle in those dark places deep inside of you that need some extra energy.
Stop obsessing over the what ifs and turn to prayer instead. When I pray I don't always ask for my problems to be removed; I ask for the strength to overcome them.
Spend 10 minutes outside during a lunch break. Just a few minutes outdoors can restore our energy and refresh our attitudes.
There's no replacement for getting adequate sleep. Get to bed on time and rest.
Replace negative thinking for positive thoughts. Rather than saying, "I can't do [blank]," consider this perspective instead: "I haven't yet learned how to do [blank]."
Spend time with loved ones. No specific activity needs to be planned; only reserve the time and watch what happens next.
Look in a mirror and make the commitment to take care of the face you see.
Cook a meal – a substantial meal. Put effort into selecting quality ingredients and don't rush the preparation. Savor the cooking process. Enjoy the delicious food you took care in creating.
Play. Remember the kid you once were. Roll on the floor, dance and sing. Throw a ball, pick-up jacks or pretend you are living in a world far way. Just play like a child.
Notice what's right in your life. Appreciate the positive and the good. Honor the things that give you hope. Focus more on what's right and less on what you think you should have to be happy.
Practice an act of random kindness. We are connected to one another and share in the love that is available for all. When we show love and kindness we also receive it unexpectedly and in ways we could never imagine. Only through kindness can we find our way out of the darkness.

Spend time with friends. Enjoy the company of friends and receive their appreciation and attention. Let their love inside and allow it to replace the emptiness we sometimes feel.
Resurrect your goals. Stress can derail the pursuit of our goals which can further add to the frustration of not feeling our lives are on track. Take time to articulate what you want; both professionally and personally. Write down your goals and keep them front and center. As you begin to focus on completing your goals, celebrate the achievements by acknowledging your progress.
Remember your life has a purpose. No one else can contribute to the world like you can. Your gift are unique and your gifts are desperately needed by a world that needs every positive touch possible.
Know when to say when. Set reasonable and healthy boundaries. Save whatever you need for yourself. It's not an act of selfishness when we do this, but rather an announcement to others that we care about our personal well-being just as much.
Forget regret. Regret keeps us stuck in the past. Let go of past mistakes or poor decisions – we all make them. Instead, focus on the present, on the here and now and enjoy the moment in front of you.
Learn from failure. Learning from failure and having regret are two separate things. Regret is an emotion; a feeling of disappointment. But to look back at a circumstance and figure out what went wrong gives us the chance to live our lives differently next time.
Listen to your favorite song. Music can lift our spirits and bring energy back into our bodies. Turn up your iPod and sing along, tap your feet and clap your hands. Get in to it and let your heart feel the pulse of the beat.
Do some inspirational reading. Go back to something that has touched your soul and read it again or read something similar. Take in the words and allow these words to be written over your heart.
Get organized. While we may be able to control everything that happens, we can control the small things like decluttering our desk, or cleaning out the refrigerator. These small wins add up over time and give us the sense our lives really aren't that far out of control after all.
Ask for help. You are not alone. It may feel that way sometimes, but there are many people who would extend their hand and lift you up if asked. All you have to do is ask.
Keep the faith. At the end of the day when you are tired and weary and your life is still not where you want it to be, the one thing that tells you to keep going; to get up tomorrow and to keep moving forward, is your faith.

Plus one more we need to hear as often as possible because its truth is everlasting

Give yourself grace and mercy. We all make mistakes. Perhaps no one is harder on you, than you. Give yourself grace for the mistakes. Mistakes don't define your value or purpose in life. Focus on what you can today, right now; to begin feeling you deserve to have the blessings He has created for you. After all, you are worthy to receive the good fortunes of life because you are absolutely more than enough.

22 Ways to Feel Alive Again

Thursday, October 15, 2009

You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control | The BridgeMaker

You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control

Posted: 14 Oct 2009 05:54 PM PDT

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You have to acknowledge the truth – it is you who took the actions, thought the thoughts, created the feelings and made the choices that got you to where you are now. - Jack Canfield

Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Ali Hale. Please visit her at Aliventures.com.

Do you ever look at your life and wonder what's gone wrong? You're busy with trivia; you're overweight; your home is untidy; your relationship with your family is suffering. You wish someone would wave a magic wand. You wish you could just start over. You wish that all the little things that have gone wrong for you – over the last year, or the last decade, or your lifetime – could somehow be undone.

Over the past few years, I've felt as though the life I'm living is pulling against the one I want to live. I find myself busier than I'd like to be, working into the evenings and at the weekends. I find myself suffering stress-symptoms.

I used to be able to blame external circumstances: a day job I disliked, financial worries, little time to write fiction. But now, I'm a freelancer, doing creative work that I enjoy. I have a lot of flexibility over my time. I'm taking the creative writing MA that I dreamed of doing for years. But I'm slowly realising that problems like busyness and stress aren't just caused by stuff "out there." They're created by me.

Taking 100% Responsibility

Over the past six months, I've read a number of books about personal development and have followed dozens of blogs on similar topics. One theme that's stood out for me (perhaps because it's something I needed to take on board!) is that you must take 100% responsibility for your life.

Now, I'm pretty lucky. I've had a good life: my parents are highly educated, loving and supportive; I have a good undergraduate degree; I have a job I enjoy. Even so, I've found that it can be hard to accept that I'm 100% responsible for:

How busy I am. I'm the one who volunteered, or who said "yes". I'm the one who didn't ask for help.
My finances. I'm the one who took a rosy view. I'm the one who agreed to that holiday, or meal out.
My happiness. I'm the one who reacts to other people's anger or bad moods. I'm the one who "doesn't have time" to relax, unwind and recharge.

What is there in your life that you need to accept responsibility for? Perhaps it's your kids' behaviour, or the state of your kitchen, or your health problems.

I can't give you a quick-fix list for this. I've found it tough to accept that it's my actions and my emotional responses that create everything in my life – I know it on an intellectual level, but it's still something I'm working on. Take your time over this: journaling, meditation or prayer can help you work through difficult and challenging emotions.

Self-Belief

Once you've taken responsibility for everything in your life, understand that you're a work-in-progress. Sure, you might need to lose some weight. You might have debts or other financial worries. You might not be in the career you want. But that's okay: you don't have to be perfect!

For many of us, guilt is a destructive emotion, leading to feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth, and a lack of motivation to change. Don't feel guilty about all the areas of your life where you're not quite there yet. Instead, see these areas as opportunities for you to reshape the life that you want.

Taking 100% responsibility means knowing that you can change. You've created your current life – and you can recreate it by altering what's present in it.

I'm a writer, and I'm used to the writing process of drafting and revising. It's rare that a piece comes out perfect first time. Sometimes, it just needs minor editing. Other times, I need to cut out a whole section, add in something new, or make sweeping changes.

You are the author of your life. You can rewrite your current conditions. You can even rewrite your past – by looking at events from a different viewpoint, or by seeing how even negative experiences had positive effects further down the line.

Some affirmations you might like to use are:

I can do anything that I really put my mind to.
I am fully committed to this goal and I will achieve it.
I can change anything I want to about my life.
I am strong, capable and in control.

The changes you make don't have to be to your external circumstances. One of the reasons that I've been feeling over busy recently is because I've taken on a number of voluntary activities at church. These are important to me, and I don't want to give them up. Instead, I'm focusing on fully realising the worth and significance of these activities, and enjoying the chance to serve and contribute – rather than seeing them as yet more items on a to-do list.

What areas of your life do you need to take full responsibility for? How can you work on your self-belief so that you recognise the truth that you can change and that you do have options?

Ali Hale is a freelance writer from London in the UK, and is currently taking an MA in creative writing. She writes for a number of sites, including her own Aliventures blog which focuses on getting more from life.

You Can Only Change Once You Accept That You’re In Control