Monday, November 30, 2009

The Best Things in Life | The BridgeMaker

The Best Things in Life | The BridgeMaker


The Best Things in Life

Posted: 30 Nov 2009 03:08 AM PST

the-best-things-in-life1

Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human. - Tim Hansel

Article written by Alex Blackwell. Connect with me on Facebook.

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My son's friend died on Thanksgiving morning. Andrew, my younger son, visited Alex in the hospital almost every week during his illness. For the last two weeks, Andrew spent his evenings at Alex's house along with several other 17 and 18-year-olds playing video games and eating pizza while their friend watched and listened.

This group of young men must have brought life and a sense of normalcy to a house preparing for the worst. Thursday morning Andrew received a text message informing him it was over. His friend was gone now. There's no doubt Andrew will be changed forever.

Andrew honored Alex before our Thanksgiving meal. He toasted his life and his courage. My son said he was thankful Alex was his friend. I could sense Andrew was struggling to understand the meaning of his death.

Sitting at the table with my family, I was thankful we were together and healthy. Life does not come with a guarantee or a schedule. We are often forced to live Life on its terms. It's a dance that is sometimes exuberant and is sometimes somber. When the dance becomes both, the melancholy of the moment provides the opportunity to take an inventory of the things we do have and to ignore what's missing or what we think we should have.

The best things in life aren't the things we have, but rather who we get to share these things with. The best things in my life were sitting with me on Thanksgiving Day. With my family, everything else is all the sweeter:

  1. The morning's first cup of coffee
  2. Hearing good news
  3. A parking space close to the door on a rainy day
  4. Becoming less of a parent and more of a friend with Brandon
  5. Mid-October in Kansas City and its display of changing leaves – simply beautiful
  6. Resisting the pull back to a place where I no longer want to live
  7. Blasting my favorite song on the car radio
  8. An unexpected compliment
  9. Reading a good book on the beach
  10. A cold beer at a baseball game
  11. Fresh sheets on the bed
  12. Feeling Mary Beth next to me every night
  13. Sunday dinners with the family
  14. Giving a gift from the heart and then savoring the reaction
  15. Hearing the first Christmas song of the season
  16. The peacefulness of the early morning
  17. My father-in-law's recipe for spaghetti sauce
  18. Feeling confident and letting the world know it
  19. Learning to hunt with Andrew
  20. A hot bath on a cold night
  21. Saying, "I love you."
  22. New York City with Caitlin
  23. Reconciling and starting over with my sister
  24. Picking the fastest moving checkout line at the grocery store
  25. Forgiving and letting go of my mother
  26. The feeling after a workout
  27. The wok-roasted chicken and Sushi at my favorite Asian restaurant
  28. The guilty please of watching Glee with MB and the girls
  29. The 20-minute commute each morning to consider the promise of the day
  30. A series of green lights on my way back home
  31. The welcome-home kiss
  32. Sitting on the couch with Rascal curled up next to me
  33. Being surprised
  34. Witnessing Emily's confidence soar
  35. Helping my father heal
  36. Falling asleep to the rain
  37. A Diet Pepsi once (maybe twice) a week
  38. Feeling free from the past
  39. Believing my faith will return after a setback
  40. Sharing family stories when the six of us are together
  41. Remembering to play more
  42. The smell of popcorn
  43. Hearing "I love you."
  44. Feeling that I am enough
  45. Carving out time to write everyday
  46. Providing the basics, plus a little more for my family
  47. Appreciating exactly what I have
  48. What are some of the best things in your life? Please consider sharing in Comments below.

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The Best Things in Life


 
 
 
 
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Monday, November 23, 2009

10 Qualities to Cultivate Loving Spiritual Family Relationships | The BridgeMaker

10 Qualities to Cultivate Loving Spiritual Family Relationships | The BridgeMaker


10 Qualities to Cultivate Loving Spiritual Family Relationships

Posted: 23 Nov 2009 03:09 AM PST

10-qualities-to-cultivate-loving-spiritual-family-relationships

When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another - and ourselves. - Jack Kornfield

Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Lorraine Cohen. Please visit her at Powerfull Living.

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I'm incredibly blessed to have developed wonderful business relationships and friendships. I can’t imagine who I would be or what my life would be like without them when I need business advice, feedback, to vent, a hug, a cheer, or a kick in the pants.

I’m a believer that the outside world is a reflection of the person we become on the inside. On days, when I am not at my best and feeling a bit low, I think of the people in my life who like hanging out with me in business or in my personal life.

I realize if the people I enjoy, love, admire, and respect as high quality people want to be with me, well, what does that say about me, huh? My mood begins to lift and my thoughts shift. It’s a great reality check!

It takes time to develop trust and safety with folks. In my journey, the 10 qualities below are personal values and ones I look for in others.

  1. Authenticity. Being real and genuine (as much as possible). Having the willingness to be vulnerable and let go of the need “to look good” in all situations invites opportunities to make a heart connection.

    In truth, we’re not always are our best and being human invites others to be real and genuine. When I’m in conversation with someone who is only sharing from their head, I have no sense of who they are because I can’t feel them anywhere!

  2. Listening and communications skills. Who doesn’t want to feel heard and understood? Having the ability to express thoughts and feelings creates connection. Becoming a great listener and communicator is an art –one that can be developed without having to be perfect. What a wonderfull feeling to be with someone who "gets" you, loves you in all of the ways you show up, and still wants to hang out with you!
  3. Forgiveness. Making it OK to be human. I have put my foot in my mouth on many occasions and been forgiven. We all screw up sometimes and knowing that our human choices (yup I said choices) and mistakes will not cost us love and acceptance is a huge builder of trust and safety.
  4. Unconditional love/acceptance. That’s what our children and animals teach us! Being loved and accepted for who we are is a normal and human desire we all want.

    Our individual viewpoints, experiences, passions… add richness and flavor to relationships (and the world). When we can offer unconditional love and acceptance to others we share a great gift that can be nurtured and passed on. That is how we serve others to heal and grow. Love is our natural state!

    Being forgiven has taught me how to forgive others; to look beyond the action or comment and see who that person is - someone just like me who wants to be loved and accepted.

  5. 100% responsibility. Let go of the blame game and fully owning thoughts, words, and actions. This is about being in personal integrity in how you show up and making amends when appropriate. Folks in my circle know that if it’s my stuff, I’ll own it and clean up anything I’ve created to the best of my ability. Red flags go up for me when I see folks play the blame game and pass the buck.
  6. Not taking everything personally. This is an advanced skill to be able to hear and experience people from a charge neutral space with compassionate detachment.

    As a coach, therapist, and counselor, being able to step back without personalizing is a skill I’ve honed over the years. Having a strong self-image and sense of self are critical elements in being able to de-personalize. Being hungry, angry, lonely or tired can make it harder to stay in a loving space with people without reacting. Keeping self-care a priority is important!

  7. Aligned values. Spiritual growth, personal transformation, communication, integrity are some of my core values. The people closest to me all share a common value of personal growth/life-long learning. Being with people who share personal, business, life values can feel like connecting with kindred spirits!
  8. Compassion/empathy. Loving appreciation and understanding without judgment or criticism. Being thoughtful and caring invites the love of our soul to emerge. Ties right back to #4.
  9. Supportive. People feel supported in different ways. Communicating what we need to be supported is the way we teach people how to show up for us. Building a strong community of people who nurture, energize, and lift us (whether we need a boost or not!) invites us to be authentic.
  10. Managing conflict. This is a biggy for many folks. When people show up to work through the conflict by taking responsibility for their part, de-personalizing, being honest, making amends if necessary…. many of the points I’ve written about already, real trust and safety flourishes. We all want to know that when things get tough and uncomfortable, folks will stick around and not leave us!

    Each day I begin with gratitude for the people and things in my life. I love to let the special people in my life know how much I appreciate and cherish them with an email, phone call, card, flowers, gift…. especially on those days when I am feeling a bit blue or scared.

    We can feel alone and lonely even when we are surrounded by people and we can become disconnected from our spirit and loved ones. Those are the times to remember to reach out to make internal and external reconnections to feel the love!

  11. The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

    The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi captures the essence of what we seek in our family ties and in all areas of our life– to love and be loved for who we are, to emulate the qualities of God/Higher Power/The Divine by being models and messengers of peace, light, and love.

    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    where there is injury, pardon;
    where there is doubt, faith;
    where there is despair, hope;
    where there is darkness, light;
    and where there is sadness, joy.
    O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
    to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood as to understand;
    to be loved as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive;
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
    and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

    Amen.

Founder of Powerfull-Living, Rev. Dr. Lorraine Cohen is a spiritual advisor, life coach, published writer, and inspirational speaker who is recognized as a cutting-edge expert in her field. Please consider her groundbreaking eBook How Do I Choose: A powerful five-step blueprint for making rock-solid decisions.

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10 Qualities to Cultivate Loving Spiritual Family Relationships


Thursday, November 19, 2009

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How to Bring Down the Walls and Savor Freedom | The BridgeMaker

How to Bring Down the Walls and Savor Freedom | The BridgeMaker


How to Bring Down the Walls and Savor Freedom

Posted: 19 Nov 2009 03:09 AM PST

BERLINMURENS FALL 1989

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. - Moshe Dayan

Article written by Alex Blackwell. Connect with me on Facebook.

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The Berlin Wall came down on November 9, 1989. 20 years ago East and West Berliners danced together in front at the Brandenburg Gate to celebrate the re-opening of the border between their two cities. This event also reunited Germany and then eventually reunited the rest of the world when the Iron Curtain was brought down a short time later.

The shoot-to-kill zone was gone, the Cold War was ending, families were brought back together and a new order was being restored. Peace was allowed to exist in a space that claimed nearly 200 lives.

Many Germans used their bare hands to hasten the reunification of their beloved country. The significance of that day was not lost on anyone there. The obstacle to freedom was now removed. Life would continue again. Healing was on its way. Freedom would once again be savored.

The anniversary of this demolition gives us the opportunity to see the other walls we erect in our lives. These walls can keep us from experiencing the same sense of freedom, peace and hope the Berlin Wall did for 28 years. Acknowledging these walls is the first step to their destruction.

The Wall of Blame

It's easy to blame events or other people when we are not happy with what we have. Blame tosses responsibility outward rather than taking an inward look at the life we have created based on our choices.

Bringing down The Wall of Blame
Blame keeps us from being accountable and blame keeps us from enjoying the empowerment we possess to build a life according to our specifications. Freedom does indeed come with a price. To be able to pay the price, we must stop blaming others for the condition and quality of our life. No one is doing anything to us that we are not allowing them to do.

Bring down the Wall of Blame by accepting 100% responsibility for your choices. You are free to create the life you want.

The Wall of Resentment

Resentment is usually born when we feel animosity toward someone who we believe has treated us badly or when we feel angry about a negative situation that has occurred in our life.

Resentment can also be found when we allow others to treat us without the respect or the dignity we deserve. Left unattended, resentment will continue to fester until its power can be overwhelming. If we are not careful, our resentment can extend to other areas in our life which can cloud our ability to see the good things we do have.

Bringing down The Wall of Resentment
Giving a name to the resentment is the first step. Acknowledge who or what you resent. Identity it and recognize it. Seek understanding in how the resentment first started. After coming to terms with this revelation, write a letter.

This letter can be directed to a person or to a situation. Don't hold back when expressing your feelings. However, it's not important to send the letter. Rather, place it in a safe place and refer to it when you feel the resentment beginning to creep back. Read the letter again and add to it, if necessary, until the feelings of resentment are once again better understood.

The Wall of Procrastination

Tomorrow is the most dangerous word. When our hope and dreams hinge on taking action tomorrow we are only setting ourselves for more waiting; more procrastination. When inspiration strikes, and after completing the appropriate research, take action when the voice of your inner wisdom says, "Go."

Bringing down The Wall of Procrastination
My friend and follow blogger Alex Fayle aptly names procrastination as Someday Syndrome. Alex states, "Every time you say 'Someday' - big or small - you put off the life you want and merely exist."

The best time to do something is right now; in this moment. Today is our only guarantee. Begin writing the book; make contact with the person you have been neglecting; or begin a healthier lifestyle. Begin today; right now.

The Wall of Lost Hope

When we lose hope our world becomes darker. Light struggles to seep through the most fortified of all the Walls. The absence of hope triggers despair and then ultimately defeat. Our souls collapse when hope is lost.

The Wall of Lost Hope is also the most dangerous Wall because when we lose our passion to keep moving forward in life, we usually give up on our dreams. The death of our soul is then complete.

Bringing down The Wall of Lost Hope
It begins with the question, "How badly do you want it?" How much do you want to obtain the thing that once filled you with hope? The energy to begin again never really goes away, just our spirit to find it and then to feel it.

The word hopeless literally means to hope less. What would it look like if you used a new word; the word hopemore?

When doubt begins to trump hope, adopt the attitude to refuse to lose. Confront the enemy of your soul and ask him to leave. Ask for hope to return. As hope begins to occupy the space once filled with doubt, your spirit will begin to be re-nourished thus providing the ability to generate more hope one piece at a time. Over time these pieces of hope will provide the foundation necessary to scale the Wall of Lost Hope.

The Wall of Silence

We have a voice for a reason. God gives us the ability to speak so we can tell others what we believe and what we need. Our silence only keeps us from claiming the life we deserve.

Bringing down The Wall of Silence
You are worthy. The fact life was breathed into your body makes you worthy to ask for what you want. Use your voice to sing, to proclaim, to pierce the silence that keeps you from saying the words that will take you from a place of desperation and to a place of abundance.

Shout out loud, "I am enough," and watch your light begin to fill the space where darkness and silence once existed.

The Wall of Shame

Shame can cut deeper than guilt. We may feel guilty for taking the rest of the coffee without making more or running the red traffic light, but shame can be paralyzing because it can often make us feel like our souls are damaged and we are flawed beyond repair.

My primary source of shame originated as a child when my mother chose drugs and alcohol over me. The sense of not feeling wanted has haunted me most of my life. It has damaged my confidence, created feelings of panic and interfered with personal relationships. My Wall of Shame has taken an emotional toll on me.

Bringing down The Wall of Shame
It begins with you saying, it begins with me saying, "It's wasn't my fault." My mother owned the decisions she made; not me. My feelings of shame were projected on me and imprisoned the child within me.

I have been moving out of this dark cave of shame for some time now. The liberation of my inner child is in place and every day I get to choose if I will let him out to savor the freedom he deserves. My intent each day is to ignore the voices in my head that tell me I am damaged and, instead, I intend to love myself a little more.

The Wall of Lies

The Lie has a singular purpose – to keep us from the Truth. The Lie tells us our shame is real and we should feel more of it. The Lie tells us we are not enough and attempts to keep God's grace away from us.

Bringing down The Wall of Lies
It takes just one kernel of faith to re-claim our dignity. To bring down the Lie, we must replace it with the Truth. The Truth tells us we are more than enough to receive God's love no matter the sins committed against us or the ones we have committed, but have since asked for forgiveness.

So, it begins by looking for just one pin-hole size of light while sitting in the blackness, and once we have spotted the light, we make it shine brighter by giving it more of our energy. After all, what we pay attention to grows; even in the darkness. And when it does, the light and The Truth will win every time.

The Wall of Fear

Our fear can keep us from tasting the greatest freedom our souls will ever experience. We tend to stay right where we are because it feels more comfortable; perhaps a little safer there. Fear holds us back. It delights in spreading its terror with a campaign of propaganda that insists we prefer living in fear over finding our liberation from it.

Bringing down The Wall of Fear
Learn to build a Wall of Courage instead. The enemy of our soul uses fear to create more of the same. Courage, on the other hand, is the antidote.

It can begin by confronting just one small fear at a time and then using the courage we receive in the encounter to approach even larger fears. Soon, a Wall of Courage is built and can overtake our fear with its strength and determination.

This Wall is dismantled when we no longer allow Fear to have power over us.

Savoring the Taste of Freedom

Many of my walls have existed for more than 28 years. Some were built recently and others have been a work in progress for most of my life. But just as I laid each brick in place, today I have the choice to begin breaking these walls down and using these same bricks to form a path that will take me to wherever I want to go.

Our walls can keep us from realizing the happiness that is waiting on the other side. The walls keep us sequestered and stuck in a grey, colorless place. We dodge bullets flying over our heads and cower in the shoot-to-kills zones. We dare to peek over the top of the walls to see what we are missing.

When we find our walls are no longer working for us is the day we begin to bring them down.

Once the bricks start coming down we can see other people beginning to tear down their walls, too. In a sign of unification we dance with our brothers and sisters. We step back and watch as the walls begin to topple over. A new peace fills the space they once occupied.

In 20 years I want to celebrate the walls I'm bringing down today. The Cold War that has been raging in my heart is melting and the curtain that once covered it is opening to new beginnings, to new challenges and to new love.

Start bringing down the walls in your life because they are no longer serving their purpose. Use your bare hands if necessary. Healing is on its way. Savor the freedom that is waiting on the other side.

Need Help?

You can now connect with me at LivePerson.com to receive faith-based life advice, encouragement, and personal empowerment. You are welcome to reach out to me via telephone, chat or email to have a meaningful discussion about the issues you are facing right now.

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How to Bring Down the Walls and Savor Freedom


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Don’t Use Family as an Excuse to Not Follow Your Dreams | The BridgeMaker

Don’t Use Family as an Excuse to Not Follow Your Dreams | The BridgeMaker


Don’t Use Family as an Excuse to Not Follow Your Dreams

Posted: 12 Nov 2009 04:28 AM PST

follow-your-dreams

What is life, without the pursuit of a dream? - Vanilla Sky

Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Alex Fayle of Someday Syndrome.

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The United States celebrates Thanksgiving at the end of the month. Supposedly, it’s the holiday with the most travel – even more than Christmas. People crisscross the country to share the holiday with family.

It’s a time to connect, catch up and enjoy each other’s company (plus, according to Hollywood, have huge emotional blowouts). With all this travel, it’s obvious that families don’t stay put. They move around. A lot.

Yet when I told people that I was selling my house in Toronto and moving to France (then Spain), I often heard “I’d love to do that, but I have kids” or “I can’t right now because my parents are getting older.” I’ve also talked to people who have considered giving up a dream to move closer to family not because they want to but because they feel they had to.

I’m all for strong family connections and for being (emotionally) close, but far too often people will use family as an excuse to not do something that scares them, or that they feel should be a dream, but really isn’t.

If everyone had had this attitude world geography would look quite different and countries wouldn’t need immigration policies because there wouldn’t be any immigration.

People pick up and move their families all the time, and for the whole of human history people have moved away from family and not just survived, but thrived.

So, why do people say that they couldn’t possibly get up and go because of family obligations?

I see four reasons:
1. I think my family is too weak to handle the experience
2. My extended family would fall apart if I move away
3. I don’t really want to do what I say I want to do
4. I’m afraid for the future and afraid of death

Weak Family

When someone says “I would travel more, but I don’t want to disrupt my children’s lives” it’s like they think their children are fragile creatures unable to adapt and thrive in a wide variety of situations. Millions of families each year pick up and move somewhere different, whether it’s out of necessity, for work, or by desire.

There’s a whole set of families that don’t just live in one place and their children don’t need years of therapy to recover from the experience. Human beings were once highly nomadic, always on the move. It’s in our genes.

You don’t think your family is somehow less equipped to handle traveling than the majority of the human race, do you?

The Family Hub

When I was considering moving from Ontario to southern Europe, my relationship with my parents and my siblings came close to stopping me. At the time I was single and I had no children. My brother and sister both had spouses and kids. Over the years it had sort of fallen on me that I would be the one to take care of my parents when they got older. My siblings were happy to do it, but since I had no kids, it just seemed to make sense.

But then I asked myself who I was living for? Was it for me or for my parents?

I made the move across the ocean because I realized the family did not revolve around me. And this past January that point was proven when my mother had a serious bout of pneumonia and my brother and sister stepped up and did what they needed to help her.

A good friend of mine is a single child and chose over a decade ago to leave her single mother behind and move to Newfoundland. And instead of trying to convince her not to go, her mother encouraged her.

So remember – this is your life, not the life of your family. Make the choices that are best for you and family will cope.

All Talk No Action

I understand this concept intimately. I’m a talker. I love to explore ideas, to try on new futures with my words but I often have no intention of following through.

The verbal exploration is enough. For example, recently I’ve been dreaming about going to try out living somewhere else, as I talked about last month in my Change Junkie post. So, if I met someone who was going to move to Italy, I’d likely say:

Oh, wow, that’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to go live there.

That person would probably ask:

So why don’t you?

And I would tell them in a state of total self-awareness that I’m just blowing smoke. The words have no substance to them. The idea of living in Italy is totally awesome, but given the direction I’ve chosen for my life at the moment, it’s highly unlikely it would happen.

Problems arise however when people don’t have that same level of self-awareness. They can’t make the distinction between pipe dreams and real desires. These people then act on none of their dreams because after talking so much they can’t distinguish reality from daydream and can’t recognize the dreams that they really do want to follow through on.

Fear of the Future

When people expressed their envy at my impending trans-Atlantic adventure, I asked them why they didn’t pursue whatever dream they were saying “someday” to. The most common response went something like this:

I um, well you know. It’s… I have a lot… my family is… um, I just can’t.

To that (at the time) I had no answer. These people, although they might have talked about dreams, weren’t ready to face them. The idea of making a major change in their life freaked them out too much and filled them with questions like:

  • What if I don’t like what I change my life into
  • What if I fail?
  • What if I succeed? Do I deserve to be happy?

And many other similar questions.

Although at the time I had no answer, over the years since making the big leap, I’ve become fascinated by the reasons why not and by the fear that people fear about doing something they love.

And for that reason I started Someday Syndrome, helping people conquer that fear through stories about my own Someday Journey and through the journeys of other people.

It’s also why I write for sites such as The Bridgemaker because no one should look at their dreams and say “my family is… um, I just can’t.”

Alex Fayle, of Someday Syndrome, is a former procrastinator who uses his visionary ability to uncover hidden patterns and help you break the procrastination obstacle so that you can finally find freedom and start living the life you desire. Learn more about how you can start loving life again at SomedaySyndrome.com.

Don’t Use Family as an Excuse to Not Follow Your Dreams


Monday, November 9, 2009

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open with Your Family | The BridgeMaker

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open with Your Family | The BridgeMaker


Keeping the Lines of Communication Open with Your Family

Posted: 09 Nov 2009 03:05 AM PST

keeping-the-lines-of-communication-open

The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate. - Joseph Priestley

Article written by BridgeMaker contributor Ali Hale. Please visit her at Aliventures.com.

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The first time I was away from my family for more than a ten-day stretch was October 2003, when I started university. As a shy eighteen-year-old, I was very close to my family, and I was nervous about how I'd cope without them. Six years later, my brother's graduated and has just started his first full-time job. My sister, the "baby" of the family, has started university as well.

In six years, we've gone from being a family of two parents and three kids/teens living at home, to being a group of five more-or-less independent adults. I'm not sure any of us have fully caught up. My mother felt she had to break the news to me, a couple of weeks ago, that she'd given away a set of dolls house figures that I'd never even played with. (It's been almost fifteen years since the Great House Move Scandal, when my brother and I feared she'd given away our toy Lion and then found him in the attic …)

With any change, there are going to be times of tension. I'm a different person to that shy eighteen-year old: my siblings are similarly different. I've also found a little more maturity and perspective, and ability to appreciate all that my parents did for me as a kid and teen. And, unlike when we all lived in the same house, ate at the same table and went to the same church, we're mostly off doing our own thing.

Something I've found crucial to maintaining strong relationships with my parents, siblings and grandparents, through these times of change, is keeping the lines of communication open.

How Do They Like To Talk?

I tend to communicate primarily by email and Twitter. However, I know that my family all have different ways that they prefer to stay in touch: none of them use Twitter, for a start.

  • My siblings are both active on Facebook, and I tend to keep up with them there: I'll see photos of what they're up to (sometimes I'd rather not know!) and whenever I feel a little nostalgic, I can watch them bicker across Facebook.
  • of my siblings will want to talk on the phone, generally.
  • My mum and I like to chat on the phone. I usually talk to her a couple of times a week, and sometimes check in via email too. Dad will often chat too.
  • My grandmothers love to get letters from me: I'll write a letter every so often and generally put in a photograph or two.

Different people have different ways of communicating. Just because something feels natural and easy to you, doesn't necessarily mean it's right for everyone from your kid sister to your great-aunt Maud. For some folks, a phone call feels like an intrusion onto their time and space. For others, an email might seem cold.

What Do They Like To Talk About?

As well as how you communicate, keeping up good relationships with family members also means considering what you can or should communicate.

For me, this generally means finding common interests:

  • My mum and I both write fiction, so this forms an instant talking point, as does my Creative Writing MA. We're also both involved in leading children's work at our churches.
  • My dad runs his own business (it's on a considerably large scale than mine!) and he's often interested to hear how my entrepreneurial efforts are going.
  • It seems like my brother and I have less in common than we used to as teens – but we both have an interest in personal development. We can't talk politics or economics without arguing, though, so I try to steer clear of those!
  • I'll sometimes leave links on Facebook for my brother or sister, if I come across something they'd find interesting.

I find that in many cases, I have different opinions and views to my family members. I'm learning to live with this: we've all grown up with different interests and inclinations, and we all have a different take on life. Sometimes it makes for "robust" discussions around the dinner table when we're all back home, but in general, we can celebrate our diversity as well as the many things we have in common.

In the sake of family harmony, it's occasionally necessary to know when not to communicate – there's nothing wrong with sometimes holding back on sharing your exact opinion!

I'd be interested to hear how others stay in touch with their family members, and it'd be great to have some opinions from those in different times of their life: I'm guessing that the next few decades will bring many shifts in my family's structure, as my parents look towards retirement, and also as I look towards starting a family of my own…

Ali Hale is a freelance writer from London in the UK, and is currently taking an MA in creative writing. She writes for a number of sites, including her own Aliventures blog which focuses on getting more from life.

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open with Your Family